Hell is Just a Road...

Attila has gone for a makeover (side job and all, you know...covering up two gigantic scars on either side), and I am stranded... It is a bizarre feeling. Attila has been my lifeline in the hell that is Bangalore traffic nowadays. Coal-black, smooth, and tough as hell, Attila has a way of making you relax as you are waiting, hanging on to the last frayed strings of your patience, for the roads to clear up. Groovy music through the Sony Xplod as I spew abuse waiting for the roads to clear up and let me make my way to work, home, hell...wherever.

Now Attila is gone, and for a full four days. Eventually that will become ten days of total chaos and mayhem, but four initially seemed a long time anyway. Long enough a period of time to go insane. Especially when I have to go from the cozy confines of home to the air conditioned comforts of the office, through a stretch of hell that is mistakenly called 'Road' in Bangalore.

Day 1.
I walk a full kilometer, not to scrimp on the money, but to try and make that obnoxious thing called the beer belly vanish (the women have enough reasons to go 'scram!' when they see me nowadays - married, 33-going-to-be-34, not to mention lazy - and this is the last thing I need right now...)

I finally sight a bloke zipping down my way. And automatically the hand goes up..flap flap...stoooppp! wheeze%*&... catch-my-breath*&%#$#...and then cuss*&%*^%*%$# as he zips past... After repeating this process 3-4 times, one kind soul stops and agrees to take me to Bannerghatta Road, where my office is...

It was an experience. From Devegowda Road in R.T Nagar to Subramanyam Arcade on Bannerghatta Road, it was 55 minutes of pain and terror. And I didn't enjoy it. At all. The guy was around 50 years old, so I couldn't do much except politely mumble every now and then, in between hanging on to my seat, or rubbing my bald head after it has slammed onto the rod on the roof for may be the 7th time, to go carefully...after all he must be having family and all. To which his repartee and a lethally final one was 'Arre darro nakko saab. Terha saal se aisaich chalako aya hoon...' heaven be praised, the man was honest!!

And a total lunatic. I was wondering if may be this was not the best profession for him to be. It certainly wasn't the best place for ME to be in right then...After an hour-long roller coaster ride (I wonder if that could qualify for the Guiness, one hour inside a madman's vehicle, voluntarily), I was out! And poorer by 90 bucks!

90 bucks for a near-death experience...I am sure this is a splendid case for the optimist-pessimist examples - 90 bucks is too less, too much?? I was glad and also bemused...this was going to be my traveling life for the next few days. The other option, the BTS buses, didn't sound very promising either. Spending an hour in two different buses cramped between men, with body odor being the flavor of the day, is not my idea of 'a god start to the day'. It's 10 now, and I am already psyching myself for the ordeal in the evening...

Day 2.
Same as above. [Note: This driver sang!] Didn't do much to relieve me of my terror, though. Imagine if Saddam was your governess and sang to you...

Day 3.
Same as above. This guy was a cusser. I kind of had an insanely funny time, though. The guy would overtake at 60 from the wrong side, and then flail his arms at the other guy and let fly 'Oi! Nimma ammuna...' and that was only to get him started. Very imaginative mind...

Finally after 10 days, Attila is back today. Now, I am terrified of driving. Not without cause, as you might have by now deduced...